KEEPING TEENS IN THE CHURCH=+
If the problem isn't handled biblically, the local church=+
will be negatively affected in upcoming generations.=+
by=+
Wendell E. Miller=++

Q. We see young people who were brought up in the church
drift away when they become teenagers. What can we do to
keep teens in the church? =++

A. From one viewpoint, this is one of the largest problems,
if not the primary problem, facing the local church. =++

If teens do stay in the church, grow into mature Christians,
and then have children who grow into mature Christians,
Christianity will be strong in the coming generations. =++

But if the teens of today do not develop into mature
Christians whose children will propagate the faith, then
each new generation must, in a sense, be evangelized all
over again. =++

So a program for keeping teens in the local church might be
seen as a top priority of the local church. =++

However, from another view-point, if the overall program of
the church is biblically balanced, then the largest possible
number of teens will stay in the church and will become
mature Christians. =++

God has ordained that the family be the basic unit of
society (Gen. 1:27,28; 1 Tim. 31:2). So one of the primary
objectives of the church should be strengthening families.
=++

Children and teens are affected immensely by the things that
are modelled for them. Jesus taught that when someone is
fully trained, he tends to be like his teacher (Luke 6:40).
Also, godly parental modelling is a pre-requisite to
parental teaching (Deut. 6:5-7). Parents are to model their
love (devotion) for God and then teach their children what
God says. =++

So another primary objective of the local church should be
helping parents develop into Christians who will be good
models for their children and teens. =++

Further, God has ordained that childrearing be the
responsibility of parents (Eph. 6:4), so a third primary
objective of the local church should be teaching and helping
(counseling) parents to "bring up their children in the
nurture and admonition of the Lord." =++

So it is a mistake to depend upon the Sunday school,
Vacation Bible School and youth group to "keep teens in the
church." =++

When teens do not stay in the church, it may not be because
of a faulty youth program. It is more likely that the battle
for their minds and their lives has been lost before their
teen years. =++

Therefore, to put emphasis on "keeping teens in the church"
is somewhat like locking the barn door after the horse has
been stolen. =++

Of course, teens do need a good peer group in the church,
their social needs should be met in the church with
Christian friends, and their youth group can help teens
develop toward Christian maturity. =++

But parents and other concerned Christians should not expect
the youth group to overcome poor modelling or poor home
teaching of pre-teen years. And parents must not abdicate
their God-given responsibilities to the youth group. =++

Emphasis should not be placed on teen ministries that in any
way decrease or replace an emphasis on teaching and helping
parents to model Christian living, and on helping parents
"bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of
the Lord." =++

Within the family, God has established an order. We can
illustrate this order with an inner circle and an outer
circle that are drawn around the same center. Godly
parents--a father and a mother--are to be in the inner
circle, and the children are to be in the outer circle. =++

(Christ is to be the center of the family and of each family
member, but remember that the circles here represent human
relationships, not God-to-person relationships.) =++

The local church is represented by a third circle that is
beside the concentric circles that represent the family. =++

The home is to be parent centered, not child centered. The
home is not to revolve around the children--their desires,
their activities and so on. Children (and teens) are to be
respectful and obedient learners and helpers in the home.
=++

Parents should not allow the children to come into the inner
circle as if they were equal voting members of a democracy.
Single parents especially need to be careful to preserve the
parent-child relationship, and not to allow a child to come
into the inner circle to fill the void left by an absent
mate. =++

We know that the home is to be parent centered and parent
controlled because: 1) God has ordained that marriage last
for life (Matt. 19:6); whereas 2) He has ordained that the
parent-child relationship be temporary (Matt. 19:5); 3) He
has commanded that children be respectful and obedient in
the home (Eph. 6:1,2); and 4) He has ordained parents (Eph.
6:4)--not the local church--as the ones responsible for
child rearing. =++

The responsibilities of the local church with regard to the
family include: 1) helping parents develop into mature
Christians and to model Christian living, biblical roles,
and so on; 2) helping couples build strong marriages; 3)
teaching parents how to nurture their children biblically;
4) helping parents solve problems in child rearing that they
encounter from time to time; and 5) promoting biblical
family relationships in the family. =++

The church, including the youth group, should help promote
biblical family relationships. No one in the church should
attempt to replace the parents, or attempt to promote
confidences with the youth that exclude the parents. =++

Instead, the local church should have the godly goals of
turning the hearts of the fathers toward the children, and
turning the hearts of the children toward the fathers (Mal.
4:6). =++

If "keeping teens in the church" is seen as a paramount
objective of the church, it may be tempting to use methods,
or to develop programs, that actually harm the youth in
their development toward Christian adulthood. =++

If a youth program is exciting, with the result that many
youth are in the program. it may appear on the surface that
the program is a great success. =++

But if excitement and entertainment are used to attract and
"keep the youth in the church," the youth may tend to
develop into adults who are pleasure seeking and
irresponsible. But God wants them to be challenged to serve
Him, no matter what the cost. =++

If entertainment and activities, above meeting reasonable
social needs, are used to "keep the youth," it may interfere
with the youths' 1) being a real part of their families, 2)
learning to serve others, 3) learning responsibility, 4)
obtaining part-time jobs, 5) learning to be good stewards of
time and finances including tithing, and/or 6) saving for
their education. =++
If emphasis to excess is put on the youth program, it can
interfere with God's order for the family, replacing the
parents with the local church in the inner circle, putting
the youth in the outer circle, and leaving the parents
outside. =++

Parents can be relegated to serving the youth program,
paying the cost of youth activities, and taking over their
children's home responsibilities while the youth participate
in a multitude of activities--activities that would be good
if they were in biblical balance. =++

A biblically balanced youth program will provide leadership
and training in service opportunities that are as numerous
as "fun" activities. =++

Also, a biblically balanced youth program will avoid
intimidating the youth to "be loyal" to "the program,"
interchurch competition, and so on (see "How Can I Teach Contentment?" in the Q&A Counseling Articles index).  This helps parents to
determine freely which youth activities best complement the
family program for biblically nurturing their children. =++

If the local church is to "keep the youth in the church,"
and if these youth are to grow into mature Christians who
will bring up their children "in the nurture and admonition
of the Lord," then the battle must be fought in accordance
with biblical principles: 1) biblical modelling by parents,
and 2) parental child rearing that is biblical. =++

A program for developing parents who can fulfill their God-
given roles successfully should include an almost continuous
cycle of classes, and continuous availability of biblical
counseling, in the areas of: 1) Christian courtship, 2)
marriage, 3) child rearing, 4) solving personal problems,
and 5) solving problems in interpersonal relationships. =++

Caution! Secular error is coming into the church in the
guise of biblical principles for marriage, child rearing,
and counseling. Search the Scriptures to be sure that all
that is being taught is actually biblical (Acts 17:11). =++

A program for developing parents who can fulfill their God-
given role should be the responsibility of the counseling
pastor, or the senior pastor if the local church has only
one pastor. =++

Your counseling pastor is ideally suited, or should be, for
teaching parents to do a biblical job of parenting, and for
coming alongside to counsel them as they encounter
difficulties in child rearing along the way. =++

Caution! Get help! Do not try to "wish away" child-rearing
problems by calling problems "a phase they are going
through." =++

God's plan for keeping teens in the church is a
family-oriented society, with godly parents in the inner
circle, with their children and youth in the circle around
the parents, and with the church helping the parents fulfill
their God-given responsibilities. =++

Do not expect any other plan to be successful in developing
children into youth who will stay in the church through teen
years, who will stay in the church after marriage, and who
will rear children who will also stay in the church and rear
godly children. =++

Copyright 1987 by Wendell E. Miller=+
Downloaded from http://www.biblical-counsel.org=++

May be reprinted and distributed in quantities if distributed free or at cost, and if=+
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