IS `SELF-LOVE' THE ANSWER?=+
Christians are being told that they cannot obey the Lord=+
in loving others unless they have `self-love.'=+
by=+
Wendell E. Miller=++

Q. I read a book that teaches that we should love ourselves.
Are Christians supposed to love themselves? =++

A. Some Christians have noticed, with concern, that there
are believers who have a poor self-image; and they have
"seen" the secular teaching of "self-love" as the answer.=++

Self-image is the evaluation that a person makes of himself
in comparison to some standard. It is the way that he has
come to think about himself habitually--whether he accepts
himself or not.=++

In contrast, in secular thinking, self-love is equated to
self-acceptance, self-approval or feeling good about
oneself--a good self-image.=++

Generally, the secular teaching on self-love is that a
person cannot love others until he loves himself, and he
cannot love himself until some significant person loves him.
But, if some significant person loves him, then he can love
himself, he can love others, and "good" will flow out of him
"naturally."  This is a denial of the old sin nature--Rom.
7:21.=++

It is common for proponents of this theory to say that
people do unsociable acts because they do not love
themselves. In contrast, the Bible teaches that unsociable
acts flow out of sin.  When sinners feel negative about
themselves (have a poor self-image), it is because their
conscience is condemning them (1 John 3:21).=++

Commonly, Matthew 22:39 has been used in attempts to support
the secular self-love theory. Those who use this verse to
teach self-love say that there are two commands in the
verse: 1) love others, and 2) love yourself.=++

They misinterpret this verse to say "And the second
commandment is like the first commandment you are to feel
good toward your neighbor, but first feel good about
yourself."  There are three problems with this
interpretation.=++

First, Jesus said in Matthew 22:40 that He had given two
commandments (love God, and love neighbor--Matt. 22:37-39),
not three commandments.=++

Second, a command is not introduced by the word "as." The
command is to love our neighbor "as" (in the same way that)
we already love ourselves.=++

Third, the love noted in Matthew 22:39 does not refer to
feeling good about oneself or feeling good about our
neighbor.  The word that is translated "love" in this verse
is "agape"; and this kind of love does not refer to
feelings.=++

"Agape" love is a dedication to someone or something. In
isolated instances (1 John 2:15) "agape" love is a sinful
dedication to someone or something. However in nearly all
usages in the New Testament, "agape" love is a dedication or
devotion to do what is best for others, whether or not there
are good feelings for them.=++

Paraphrased, Matthew 22:39 reads: "And the second
commandment is similar to the first commandment: Dedicate
yourself to doing good to your neighbor as (in the same way
that) you are already looking after your own interests.=++

So, Matthew 22:39 does not support the secular idea that we
must love ("feel good" about) ourselves before we can love
others.=++

As a part of the secular idea of self-love, there is the
idea that everyone is "worthy of acceptance" or approval of
others no matter how unacceptable his behavior may be.=++

Some Christians have attempted to make the secular error of
self-love into biblical truth by saying that God first loved
(accepted) us; and since we are loved (accepted) by a
significant Person we can love others. This is a
misinterpretation of 1 John 4:19.=++

The teaching of 1 John 4:19 is that God loved us with
"agape" love. That is, He dedicated Himself to do good for
us in spite of our sin condition. The Bible does not teach
that He "accepted" us, "approved of" us, or "felt good"
about us in our sinful state.  Instead, He loved us with
such dedication that He gave His Son to die for us on the
cross because He could not accept us in our sinful state
(Rom. 5:8).=++

In like manner, we can love those whose behavior is
repulsive with a love that is a dedication to doing what is
best for them, even though we do not "feel good" about them,
or "accept" them or "approve" of them.=++

At least three lines of reasoning have been used in an
attempt to help Christians believe that they are
"significant" or of "great worth" and thereby help them to
have a good self-image (love themselves): 1) man's creation
in the image of God, 2) Christ's death on the cross, or 3)
the believer's position "in Christ."=++

One problem with trying to use any of these things to
promote a good self-image is that all three are the product
of God's work, not man's. All three should bring praise and
glory to Him, not ascribe worth to man (Isa. 43:7).=++

Being created in the image of God is not a reason for man to
feel that he is "significant" or of "great worth" if his
life is sinful and therefore opposite to the image of
God.=++

Being the recipient of God's grace through the death of
Jesus Christ on the cross is not a basis for man to feel
that he is "significant" or of "great worth."  Instead, the
death of Christ on the cross demonstrated man's sinfulness
and his desperate need.=++

Perhaps "being in Christ" is used the most frequently in an
attempt to give Christians a feeling of self-worth and a
"good" self-image. Christians who teach this say that God
"sees" believers as being "in Christ."=++

It is true that all believers are "in Christ," and "there is
therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ
Jesus" (Rom. 8:1).=++

It is also true that "being in Christ" includes assurance
that He will not "give up on us" (Phil. 1:6), and it gives
confidence that we "can do all things" that are in His will
(Phil. 4:13). "Being in Christ" gives meaning to life, and
brings with it knowledge of what we can become. It gives
hope that we can become all that He wants us to be.=++

However, to say that God "sees" believers as being "in
Christ" tends to leave the impression that God cannot, or
does not, see and evaluate the manner of life of His
children.=++

It may leave the impression that God "smiles with approval"
upon sinning believers. If it were true that God "smiles
with approval" upon sinning believers, then a believer who
is sinning and out of fellowship with God should feel good
about himself and have a good self-image.=++

But does God want believers to feel good about themselves
when they are sinning and out of fellowship with Him? Or
does he want the consciences of sinning believers to hurt
just as David's conscience hurt him (Ps. 32:3,4)?=++

The fact that God is vitally concerned with each Christian's
behavior, and that sinful behavior is unacceptable to Him,
is seen in such doctrines as the chastisement of believers
(Heb. 12:6) and the Judgment Seat of Christ (2 Cor.
5:10).=++

The Bible does teach about self-love.  However, rather than
teaching that self-love is good and necessary, the Bible
condemns self-love as a sin (2 Tim. 3:2).=++

The word that is translated "lovers of their own selves" is
based on the word "philia." "Philia" love is a feeling. The
love that God condemns is that same affection toward oneself
that secular psychology is promoting as good and
necessary!=++

Biblically, self-love is self-centeredness that includes
pride and selfishness. Notice the list of 17 sins that
follow God's condemnation of self-love (2 Tim. 3:2-4). 
Whether all of these sins flow out of self-love is not easy
to determine. However, God condemns self-love and lists it
at the head of the sins of the last days.=++

Now with regard to self-image, some Christians do have a
real problem with their self-image. Next month we will
consider some causes of a poor self-image, various steps
that can be taken to improve one's self-image, and how the
home and the church can help Christians and their children
develop the self-image that God wants them to have.=++

But as for the secular teaching on self-love, it is not in
accordance with biblical truth. It is not necessary to wait
to feel a certain way about ourselves before we can obey
God's command to love others.=++

God commands that we love Him (dedicate ourselves to Him and
His will), that we love (do purposefully for the good of our
neighbors, and that we love (do purposefully for the good of
our enemies (Matt. 22:37-39; Luke 6:27,28).=++

Commands that God gives are not dependent upon secular
"truth." He has given us all things that are necessary for
confident Christian living and godliness (2 Pet. 1:3).=++

Copyright 1986 by Wendell E. Miller=+
Downloaded from http://www.biblical-counsel.org=++

May be reprinted and distributed in quantities if distributed free or at cost, and if=+
copyright, download, and permission information is included.
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