Q. I read a book that teaches that we should love ourselves. Are Christians supposed to love themselves?

A. Some Christians have noticed, with concern, that there are believers who have a poor self-image; and they have "seen" the secular teaching of "self-love" as the answer.

Self-image is the evaluation that a person makes of himself in comparison to some standard. It is the way that he has come to think about himself habitually--whether he accepts himself or not.

In contrast, in secular thinking, self-love is equated to self-acceptance, self-approval or feeling good about oneself--a good self-image.

Generally, the secular teaching on self-love is that a person cannot love others until he loves himself, and he cannot love himself until some significant person loves him. But, if some significant person loves him, then he can love himself, he can love others, and "good" will flow out of him "naturally." This is a denial of the old sin nature--Rom. 7:21.

It is common for proponents of this theory to say that people do unsociable acts because they do not love themselves. In contrast, the Bible teaches that unsociable acts flow out of sin. When sinners feel negative about themselves (have a poor self-image), it is because their conscience is condemning them (1 John 3:21).

Commonly, Matthew 22:39 has been used in attempts to support the secular self-love theory. Those who use this verse to teach self-love say that there are two commands in the verse: 1) love others, and 2) love yourself.

They misinterpret this verse to say "And the second commandment is like the first commandment you are to feel good toward your neighbor, but first feel good about yourself." There are three problems with this interpretation.

First, Jesus said in Matthew 22:40 that He had given two commandments (love God, and love neighbor--Matt. 22:37-39), not three commandments.

Second, a command is not introduced by the word "as." The command is to love our neighbor "as" (in the same way that) we already love ourselves.

Third, the love noted in Matthew 22:39 does not refer to feeling good about oneself or feeling good about our neighbor. The word that is translated "love" in this verse is "agape"; and this kind of love does not refer to feelings.

"Agape" love is a dedication to someone or something. In isolated instances (1 John 2:15) "agape" love is a sinful dedication to someone or something. However in nearly all usages in the New Testament, "agape" love is a dedication or devotion to do what is best for others, whether or not there are good feelings for them.

Paraphrased, Matthew 22:39 reads: "And the second commandment is similar to the first commandment: Dedicate yourself to doing good to your neighbor as (in the same way that) you are already looking after your own interests.

So, Matthew 22:39 does not support the secular idea that we must love ("feel good" about) ourselves before we can love others.

As a part of the secular idea of self-love, there is the idea that everyone is "worthy of acceptance" or approval of others no matter how unacceptable his behavior may be.

Some Christians have attempted to make the secular error of self-love into biblical truth by saying that God first loved (accepted) us; and since we are loved (accepted) by a significant Person we can love others. This is a misinterpretation of 1 John 4:19.

The teaching of 1 John 4:19 is that God loved us with "agape" love. That is, He dedicated Himself to do good for us in spite of our sin condition. The Bible does not teach that He "accepted" us, "approved of" us, or "felt good" about us in our sinful state. Instead, He loved us with such dedication that He gave His Son to die for us on the cross because He could not accept us in our sinful state (Rom. 5:8).

In like manner, we can love those whose behavior is repulsive with a love that is a dedication to doing what is best for them, even though we do not "feel good" about them, or "accept" them or "approve" of them.

At least three lines of reasoning have been used in an attempt to help Christians believe that they are "significant" or of "great worth" and thereby help them to have a good self-image (love themselves): 1) man's creation in the image of God, 2) Christ's death on the cross, or 3) the believer's position "in Christ."

One problem with trying to use any of these things to promote a good self-image is that all three are the product of God's work, not man's. All three should bring praise and glory to Him, not ascribe worth to man (Isa. 43:7).

Being created in the image of God is not a reason for man to feel that he is "significant" or of "great worth" if his life is sinful and therefore opposite to the image of God.

Being the recipient of God's grace through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross is not a basis for man to feel that he is "significant" or of "great worth." Instead, the death of Christ on the cross demonstrated man's sinfulness and his desperate need.

Perhaps "being in Christ" is used the most frequently in an attempt to give Christians a feeling of self-worth and a "good" self-image. Christians who teach this say that God "sees" believers as being "in Christ."

It is true that all believers are "in Christ," and "there is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus" (Rom. 8:1).

It is also true that "being in Christ" includes assurance that He will not "give up on us" (Phil. 1:6), and it gives confidence that we "can do all things" that are in His will (Phil. 4:13). "Being in Christ" gives meaning to life, and brings with it knowledge of what we can become. It gives hope that we can become all that He wants us to be.

However, to say that God "sees" believers as being "in Christ" tends to leave the impression that God cannot, or does not, see and evaluate the manner of life of His children.

It may leave the impression that God "smiles with approval" upon sinning believers. If it were true that God "smiles with approval" upon sinning believers, then a believer who is sinning and out of fellowship with God should feel good about himself and have a good self-image.

But does God want believers to feel good about themselves when they are sinning and out of fellowship with Him? Or does he want the consciences of sinning believers to hurt just as David's conscience hurt him (Ps. 32:3,4)?

The fact that God is vitally concerned with each Christian's behavior, and that sinful behavior is unacceptable to Him, is seen in such doctrines as the chastisement of believers (Heb. 12:6) and the Judgment Seat of Christ (2 Cor. 5:10).

The Bible does teach about self-love. However, rather than teaching that self-love is good and necessary, the Bible condemns self-love as a sin (2 Tim. 3:2).

The word that is translated "lovers of their own selves" is based on the word "philia." "Philia" love is a feeling. The love that God condemns is that same affection toward oneself that secular psychology is promoting as good and necessary!

Biblically, self-love is self-centeredness that includes pride and selfishness. Notice the list of 17 sins that follow God's condemnation of self-love (2 Tim. 3:2-4). Whether all of these sins flow out of self-love is not easy to determine. However, God condemns self-love and lists it at the head of the sins of the last days.

Now with regard to self-image, some Christians do have a real problem with their self-image. Next month we will consider some causes of a poor self-image, various steps that can be taken to improve one's self-image, and how the home and the church can help Christians and their children develop the self-image that God wants them to have.

But as for the secular teaching on self-love, it is not in accordance with biblical truth. It is not necessary to wait to feel a certain way about ourselves before we can obey God's command to love others.

God commands that we love Him (dedicate ourselves to Him and His will), that we love (do purposefully for the good of our neighbors, and that we love (do purposefully for the good of our enemies (Matt. 22:37-39; Luke 6:27,28).

Commands that God gives are not dependent upon secular "truth." He has given us all things that are necessary for confident Christian living and godliness (2 Pet. 1:3).

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