DARE I SPANK MY CHILD?=+
by=+
Wendell E. Miller=++

Q. I know that the Bible teaches that parents should spank
their children; but I heard of an instance in which the
parents faced the possibility of losing custody of a child
because they spanked him. Also, I have read that spanking a
child may cause a child to grow up to be a child abuser. Is
this true? Are there any principles to follow for
spanking?=++

A. We have all read of horrible instances of physical abuse
of children; and our government is operating within its
God-given responsibilities when laws are enacted and
enforced to protect children from physical harm, whether
inflicted by their parents or by others.=++

However, whenever laws are made by man and enforced by man,
injustices are bound to occur. At times the guilty will go
unpunished; and, at times, the innocent will be unjustly
accused, convicted and punished.=++

Especially now that there has been so much in the news about
parents physically abusing their children, accusations of
child abuse are sometimes made unjustly by bystanders. The
person reporting child abuse may have misunderstood what
they have seen or heard, or they may have been so
indoctrinated by humanism that they believe that all
spanking is child abuse.=++

Also, children and teens are learning that they may be able
to destroy their parents' right to punish them by falsely
reporting that they have been physically abused by their
parents. And, occasionally, a teen will report being
physically abused by his parents in the hope of being placed
in a foster home where he will not be required to obey
rules.=++

Because child abuse is a serious matter, government
authorities have an obligation to treat every report of
child abuse seriously and to investigate the allegations
that have been made. But, when an innocent God-fearing
parent is confronted, charged, and made to prove his
innocence or face losing custody of his child, that, too, is
a serious matter.=++

Every Christian parent should have access to an attorney who
not only is a Christian, but who also believes spanking is a
part of the biblical nurture and admonition that is
commanded by God. Otherwise, it is possible that an attorney
might arrange a plea-bargaining agreement in which parental
rights would be signed away. Each Bible-believing church
should have the name of a suitable attorney on file for
immediate access by any accused parent in the
congregation.=++

Unfortunately the tendency seems to be that more and more
effort will be made to enact laws that will give children
rights over their parents and that will undermine God-given
parental responsibilities, or to administer laws in a manner
in which parental rights and responsibilities will be
eroded.=++

If the situation ever arises that parents cannot bring their
children up according to biblical truth--perhaps by calling
it "mental abuse" when children are taught that they are
sinners and that they need to be saved by the shed blood of
our Saviour, or by prohibiting spanking--then, if possible,
Christian parents should relocate to a place where they can
rear their children as God commands.=++

It seems wise and prudent to attempt to prevent this type of
problem by assisting lawmakers in passing laws that are in
accordance with biblical family relationships and the
Constitution of the United States.=++

This assistance can be in two ways, both of which are
biblical. The Scriptures teach that we should pray for our
government officials (1 Tim. 2:1,2) and that we should
render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's (Matt.
22:21).=++

In our country, "rendering to Caesar the things that are
Caesar's" would seem to include doing things that a good
citizen can do to influence legislation, as long as such
activities do not detract from things "that are God's"
(Matt. 22:21).=++

One way to be involved in influencing legislation is through
an organization that is interested in, or that is
established for, the specific purpose of seeing that
legislation is both constitutional and in the best interests
of Christian families.=++

In Indiana, such an organization is located across the
street from the State Capitol Building. This organization
was founded and is operated by an attorney who is a
Christian and who is concerned for parental rights.=++

It would be good, and may become critical, for Christians in
every state to have an organization helping to enact
legislation that is in accord with biblical teaching.=++

Now with regard to the question of whether or not spanking
could cause a child to grow up to be a child abuser, it is
possible that spanking a child unjustly, too hard, too
often, and by an angry and unloving parent could cause the
child to grow up to act the same way.=++

The biblical reason to believe that violent behavior of a
parent could result in the child's becoming a violent adult
is seen in the principle of modeling. Jesus taught the
principle of modeling in Luke 6:40 when he said, "The
disciple is not above his master; but every one that is
perfect (fully trained) shall be as his master." So if the
child were taught by example that violence is the way to
handle anger and frustration, he would have a tendency to
grow up to be a violent person too.=++

However, a child usually knows when he is guilty, usually
knows that he should be punished, and even feels a need to
be punished in order to reassure him that his parents care
for him. So it is highly unlikely that spanking causes
children to grow up to be child abusers, except for the most
aggravated cases of a child's being consistently and
unfairly beaten by an unloving parent.=++

The idea that spanking is harmful to the development of
children comes from humanism and the denial by humanism of
the sin nature. These humanists believe that the child will
grow up to be a well-adjusted citizen if only the parents do
not ruin him by interfering with his normal development.=++

Of course, Christian parents must include spanking as a part
of biblical nurture and admonition no matter what
psychologists or sociologists say. The Scriptures teach that
the parent who does not spank his child hates him, but that
chastening the child is an act of love (Prov. 13:24). The
Bible also says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a
child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame" (Prov.
29:15).=++

There are a number of principles that apply to administering
spanking and other types of punishments.=++

First, the parent should be free from anger when punishing
so that the child will see the punishment as corrective
rather than vindictive and so that the punishment will not
be excessive.=++

The parent should be sure that the child knows: 1) what he
has done, 2) why his behavior was wrong, 3) that his sin is
primarily against God, rather than against the parent, and
4) that his parent loves him and is acting, under God, for
the child's good.=++

In addition: 1) the penalty should be paid expeditiously,
except where restitution for property damage and so forth is
involved (long groundings are poor because they leave long
periods for resentment and a barrier between parent and
child for long periods of time), 2) the child should be
restored to full fellowship with the parent immediately
after being punished, and 3) the child should receive
affection from the parent immediately after being
punished.=++

The object that is used for spanking should have a firm
surface (as opposed to being padded) so that it will cause
pain without an excessive impact (the hand is too soft), and
lightweight so that it does not jar the child excessively
(the hand is too heavy).=++

However, it is important to recognize that biblical nurture
and admonition is not equivalent to spanking and yelling;
and biblical nurture and admonition is not equivalent to
yelling until angry and then spanking out of anger.=++

Further, biblical nurture and admonition does not mean that
a child should be spanked for every kind of offense.=++

Instead, biblical nurture and admonition includes every
positive incentive and every negative incentive that God
teaches in the Scriptures for structuring the child's mind
and actions (see "Child Rearing--Don't Just Take Anyone's Advice" and "Bringing About Biblical Child Rearing" in the Q&A Counseling Articles index).=++

Be sure to tell your child that you thank God for sending
him to be your child. Also, be sure to include compliments,
praise of both the deed and the child (Matt. 25:21), good
expectations, parental approval, thankfulness, rewards, and
both verbal and physical expressions of affection. And, be
careful--if you are not complimenting your child more than
you are criticizing him, you may discourage him.=++

Of course spanking is biblical and an essential part of
child rearing. But God has given many principles for child
rearing. It would be a poor carpenter that would use only a
hammer; and it is a poor parent who knows no means for
structuring his children's lives other than spanking.=++

Even though children are individualistic, and even though
they respond to various ones of the positive and negative
incentives differently during different stages in their
development, relatively few spankings should be required
through the years if the positive and negative incentives of
biblical "nurture and admonition" are used.=++

Also, a child may become emotionally hardened to the
physical pain of too frequent spankings; but if the child
rearing is really "biblical nurture and admonition," then,
throughout most of his developmental years, when the child
disobeys, he should experience more emotional distress from
disappointing God and his parents than physical pain from
occasional spankings.=++

Copyright 1986 by Wendell E. Miller=+
Downloaded from http://www.biblical.counsel.org=++

May be reprinted and distributed in quantities if distributed free or at cost, and if=+
copyright, download, and permission information is included.
Return to Home Page