HOW SHOULD I DEAL WITH ANGER?=+
Christians can become angry just like anyone else.=+
How does God want us to handle our anger? =+
by=+
Wendell E. Miller =++

Q. How can Christians ventilate their anger? I have read
that both emotional and physical problems can result from
anger that is held inside. Some say that anger should be
ventilated by such actions as beating a pillow. Is it true
that feelings must be ventilated? If so, how should
Christians ventilate their feelings?=++

A. Some medical authorities say that incorrect handling of
stressful situations can cause any one of at least 50
physical diseases. The medical term for physical ailments
that start in the mind as stress and that result in real
physical ailments is "psychosomatic." The word
"psychosomatic" is the combination of the Greek words for
"mind" and "body."=++

The secular idea behind ventilating feelings is that getting
the feelings outside of the person and so alleviating the
emotional pressure that is within will prevent psychosomatic
illness and promote "mental health."=++

There are at least three problems with ventilating feelings
by "taking them out" on an inanimate object. First, "taking
feeling out" on inanimate objects develops a habit (of
temper tantrums) that may eventually result in the
destruction of property. Second, violent action against an
inanimate object may be accompanied by thoughts of violent
action against a person (murder in the heart). Third, the
habit of striking an inanimate object when angry, coupled
with the sin of imagining violence against a person, may
eventually result in physical violence against a person.=++

Others are teaching verbal ventilation of emotions; and,
amazingly, even some Christians are teaching that such
emotions as anger and hatred should be expressed freely!=++

I recall a news item about a man who had cursed a police
officer. His defense was that he needed to ventilate his
feelings because it was physically harmful for him to hold
his negative feelings inside.=++

Apparently he believed that he was justified in verbally
wounding another person for his own good. According to this
way of thinking, the police officer would have been entitled
to go home and verbally attack his wife in order to
ventilate the hurts that he had received. Then she would
have been entitled to ventilate her feelings on someone
else. On and on it would go, each one verbally wounding
another for his own "good."=++
There are at least four problems with Christians ventilating
their feelings by expressing anger and hatred. For one
thing, Christians are commanded to speak the truth in love
(Eph. 4:15), that is, to say those things that are best for
the other person. Second, angry words often are contrary to
the command to be kind one to the other (Eph. 4:32). Also,
angry words can be harmful to others (Prov. 12:18). Finally,
angry words are selfish when there is a willingness to
inflict injury on another for the (supposed) benefit of
self.=++

So, Christians must not ventilate their feelings by
physically "taking them out" on an inanimate object or by
verbally lashing out at another person.=++

What can a Christian do to ventilate his feelings of anger?
Is there a Christian way to ventilate feelings of anger?=++

To answer these questions, it is necessary to consider
whether or not anger is sinful. Ephesians 4:26 says, "Be
angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your
wrath."=++

Some are teaching that this is a command to be angry--"be
angry and get it out of your system."=++

A better interpretation of the command in Ephesians 4:26 is,
"All right, so you have angry feelings. Do not act sinfully
because of your angry feelings, but take appropriate action
promptly."=++

Angry feelings are like other types of emotions--they are
not volitional. If you are angry, you are angry; if you are
happy, you are happy; and if you are sad, you are sad. You
cannot control the way that you feel by direct, volitional
control.=++

Emotions are like thermometers, meters or gauges that
indicate what is going on mentally inside a person, or what
has gone on mentally inside of him.=++

The emotion of anger is like a pressure gauge that indicates
the total pressure in a tank. This pressure in the tank
indicates the total anger in the person, whether caused by a
single reaction to another person or situation, or whether
caused by an accumulation of reactions.=++

Angry feelings may be a righteous reaction to evil, just as
Jesus was angry at the money changers in the temple (John
2:17).=++

Jesus took appropriate and remedial action when He drove the
money changers out of the temple (John 2:15). There are
times when Christians should take appropriate remedial
action when angry.=++

However, Christians must be careful that such actions are
legal, remedial, and appropriate and, most of all,
glorifying to God (Isa. 43:7). Remember, it was His Father's
house (John 2:16). He had a right to drive out the money
changers.=++

Angry feelings may result from an offense that is received
from another. Some might believe that angry feelings must be
sinful when they occur in response to an offense that is
received from another; but Ephesians 4:26 distinguishes both
refraining from sinful behavior and the time element in the
handling of the feeling of anger (let not the sun go down on
your wrath) as the factors related to sin, not the source of
the feeling of anger.=++

When the pressure gauge shows that the feeling of anger is
in the danger area, and that there is danger of exploding in
verbal or physical attack, the first requirement is
self-control.=++

If a man is given a tongue lashing by his boss, it is likely
that he will exert self-control and restrain himself both in
word and deed. However, when he gets home, he may take out
his anger on his wife; and later he may tell his counselor
that he cannot control himself when he hits his wife. It is
interesting that he can control himself when the failure to
do so would be to his detriment, and that he "cannot"
control himself when the victim of his ventilation is
defenseless.=++

The teaching that all, whether believer or unbeliever, are
personally responsible for self-control and must exercise
self-control is taught by the Scriptures, calling those
things sin that transgress God's commandments, and shows the
reality of judgment of both believers and unbelievers (2
Cor. 5:10; Rev. 20:11,12).=++

Then, while exerting self-control, the cause of the angry
feelings should be handled biblically.=++

Ephesians 4:26 says that you should not let the sun go down
on your wrath. Some say that this means that you should
solve the problem of wrath by communications before
bedtime.=++

If there has been a misunderstanding, and it can be resolved
by talking through the problem with the other person(s),
good! However, the idea that problems always can be solved
by communications, or that problems always can be solved by
communications before bedtime, denies the sin nature of
humanity, and denies the reality of the old nature in the
believer.=++

Of course, if by communications one person asks the other
for forgiveness, forgiveness must be granted (Matt. 18:21,22
and Luke 17:3-4). Then the angry feelings will be decreased,
or even eliminated, in the one who grants forgiveness.=++

So, horizontal forgiveness--one person asking for
forgiveness, and the other granting forgiveness--is one way
that both believers and unbelievers can ventilate their
feelings of anger.=++

However, for Christians, not letting the sun go down on
one's wrath does not depend upon communications. Even if the
other person is far away or is not willing to talk about the
problem or will not ask forgiveness, the believer can still
be obedient to the command of Mark 11:25 to forgive*.=++

Notice in Mark 11:25 that forgiveness is commanded any
time--and at the very time--that an offense is remembered.
The offender may be a great distance away, may not be
repentant, and may even be rejoicing in his iniquity and
planning more mischief. The offense may have occurred today,
yesterday or many years ago. God's command is to forgive 
(release it to God) upon the occasion of remembering the
offense.=++

Ventilating feelings of anger by the prayer of forgiveness
can be practiced by any Christian at any time, at any place,
under any circumstances, and for any and all offenses. It
can be done without regard to "wanting to" and without
regard to the intensity of angry feelings. To refuse God's
command to forgive is rebelling against Him.=++

Praying and turning the penalty of the offense over to God
(Rom. 12:19) is an act of obedience to a command of God; it
is an act of love for God (John 14:15).=++

His provision for ventilation of angry feelings by the
prayer of forgiveness is a provision of His goodness. He has
provided a way that we need not carry feelings of anger
within, that we need not store up offense after offense in
the mind, that we need not suffer psychosomatic illness, and
that the pressure to react sinfully to the offenses of
others is taken away--all in response to the prayer in which
we forgive*.=++

*Editorial Note: In the forgiveness of Mark 11:25, the
offended person is not forgiving the offender.  Instead, he
is releasing to God his supposed right to get even and 
promising that he will treat the offender only with love. 
Correctly translated, Mark 11:25 reads "forgive" not
"forgive him."  The offender is to be forgiven only after he
repents, as taught in Luke 17:3-4.  For a thorough 
study on the important subject of forgiveness, see 
Forgiveness: The Power and the Puzzles by Wendell E.Miller.=++

Copyright 1986 by Wendell E. Miller=+
Downloaded from http://www.biblical.counsel.org=++

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