BRINGING ABOUT BIBLICAL CHILD REARING =+
Rearing children in our materialistic and humanistic world=+
demands more than a strong human resolve on the part=+
of parents. It requires knowing and applying=+
basic biblical principles.=+
by=+
Wendell E. Miller=++

Q. In a recent column, you said that Ephesians 6:4 provides
a biblical framework for child-rearing principles into which
all biblical principles of child rearing will fit. Also, you
said that this framework consists of "nurture and
admonition"; and that "nurture" includes every biblical
principle to structure the child's mind and his actions.
What are some of these child-rearing principles?=++

A. Many principles of child rearing can be divided into
categories of "positive incentives" and "negative
incentives."=++

One of the most effective positive incentives is that of
parental approval. Jesus gives us the example of voicing
approval of both the deed and the person. In the parable of
Matthew 25:21, the master said to his servant, "Well done,
thou good and faithful servant." Thus, it is biblical to
compliment your child on both his actions and his
character.=++

If you are to use this biblical principle of positive
incentives to help in structuring your children's behavior,
you should compliment them far more often than you criticize
them. If not, they may lose heart and decide that it is not
possible to please you, and then they may decide that it is
not worthwhile trying to please you.=++

Included in positive biblical incentives are rewards. Notice
that in the parable of Matthew 25:21, the faithful servant
was rewarded in addition to being praised for both his deeds
and his personal character.=++

A reward system is quite effective for structuring children
and youth in good habit patterns and in personal
responsibility. Of course, for younger children, the rewards
must come much more quickly after fulfilling the
responsibility than is necessary for older children.=++

Younger children respond favorably to daily rewards of stars
placed on charts, followed up by a weekly monetary reward
that is in accordance with the number of stars earned.=++

In addition to helping structure their children's lives in
personal responsibility, parents can help structure their
children's lives in the use of their financial resources.=++

Rewards as positive incentives are biblical; so feel free to
use them. Remember, Dad, you go to work because you get
paid, not out of the goodness of your heart; so do not
disdain monetary rewards for your children.=++

Of course, negative incentives are biblical; and spanking is
taught specifically in the Scriptures (Prov. 13:24); but
there are at least two things to avoid--spanking out of
frustration or anger, and the tendency to spank for every
type of offense. God has not said that you must spank for
every type of offense, nor has He specified which offenses
require spanking.=++

If you are not using positive incentives to bring about
biblical changes in your children, and if you are not using
some negative incentives in addition to spanking, you are
missing much that God would have you to do in "bringing up
your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."=++

However (and this may surprise you), if you do everything
that has been taught above and do not add certain other
child-rearing principles, then your child rearing will
amount to little more than the secular system of
behaviorism.=++

Surprised? Yes, strange as it may seem at first, it is
possible to use some biblical principles of child rearing
without the total child-rearing system being more than
behaviorism.=++

The addition of three principles of Deuteronomy 6 must be
added to the foregoing principles in order to have a
child-rearing system that qualifies as being fully
biblical.=++

One of these three principles of child rearing is found in
verse 7. In this verse parents are commanded to teach their
children diligently. As seen in verse 6, the command is to
teach children the Word of God.=++

The basic idea of the Hebrew word, which is translated
"teach them diligently," is "to sharpen." If we consider the
slow and tedious way in which people must have had to
sharpen their harvesting scythes in those days, it appears
that the King James Version correctly translates the idea of
"sharpening" by the words, "teach them diligently." Teaching
children the Word of God diligently is an every day, every
year, task for parents.=++

Thus, one way of structuring your children's minds is to
teach them the Scriptures, starting as soon as--and even
before--they are able to understand the Scriptures to any
extent.=++

As they are taught the Scriptures, they learn about God, His
holiness, the seriousness of sin, His love, the outpouring
of His love on the cross, and salvation through grace and
faith. This structuring of minds prepares them for salvation
as the Holy Spirit works through the Word, as well as
developing a God-consciousness in them.=++

Another of the child-rearing principles in Deuteronomy 6 is
also found in verse 7. In this second principle, the Bible
commands parents to "talk of them"--the Scriptures--all
through the day and upon every occasion.=++

It would be interesting if some special word had been
translated "talk"; but the word that is used in the Hebrew
text is a "garden variety" word that is used hundreds of
times in the Old Testament; and all it means is "talk."=++

However, it seems clear that this "talking" about the
Scriptures all through the day, and upon every occasion, is
to develop a biblical philosophy of life in the children.
That is, the purpose for talking about the Scriptures is to
develop in the children the ability, and the habit, to look
at everything in the world as God sees it.=++

Thus, by talking about every event that touches your
children's lives and discussing what God says about that
event, your children will develop a biblical philosophy of
life--they will look at that event as God looks at it.=++

So whether it be a problem in playing with other children,
or whether it be a news event, God wants your children to
understand what He says about it, to learn to look at that
event as God looks at it, and to develop the habit of
looking at all things as He looks at them.=++

Naturally, the world wants your children to have a worldly
philosophy of life. The world wants your children to develop
a materialistic philosophy of life and a humanistic
philosophy of life. The world wants your children to develop
a philosophy of life in which God is not even important
enough to mention, much less to consider His will through
His revealed Word.=++

A third principle in child rearing is found in verse 5 of
the same chapter. This verse commands that the parents love
God wholeheartedly; that is, the command is that parents be
wholly dedicated to God.=++

Where is the child-rearing principle? The child-rearing
principle is the principle of modeling. Notice that this
command for the parents to be right with God precedes the
other two principles of child rearing.=++

Of course, your children may be saved by the Word even if
your life does not show it; but, on the other hand, they may
rebel against all that God teaches if they do not see the
truth in you.=++

Further, how effective do you think you will be in
developing a biblical philosophy of life in your children if
they see that you do not believe what you are saying and
live what you are saying?=++

Jesus taught this principle of modeling in Luke 6:40 when he
said, "The disciple is not above his master: but every one
that is perfect shall be as his master." Or, a student is
not above his teacher; but every one that is fully trained
shall be as his teacher.=++

Or, paraphrased: A child is not above the ones that model
for him; but every child that is fully trained will have
copied, and will be like, someone who has modeled for
him.=++

Now it is evident that spanking, in itself, is not biblical
"nurture." In like manner, combining all positive and
negative incentives does not produce child rearing that
qualifies as biblical "nurture."=++

But if a child is taught what God says, if a child is helped
to develop a biblical philosophy of life, and if parents,
and if other of the child's teachers, model a biblical
philosophy of life, and both positive and negative
incentives are used also, then the child is receiving
biblical "nurture."=++

To qualify for biblical "nurture and admonition," biblical
"admonition"--warning the child with scriptural truths--must
be added to biblical "nurture."=++

Then, and only then, are you obeying the command to "bring
them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."=++

The desired result of biblical "nurture and admonition" is
future godliness. This is God's goal for your child; this
must be your goal for your child; and you must--God commands
it--provide the "nurture and admonition" that He teaches as
the means to achieve His goal.=++

Copyright 1985 by Wendell E. Miller=+
Downloaded from http://www.biblical.counsel.org=++

May be reprinted and distributed in quantities if distributed free or at cost, and if=+
copyright, download, and permission information is included.
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