CHILD REARING--DON'T JUST TAKE ANYONE'S ADVICE=+
Parents cannot keep up with all the secular and Christian=+
books being printed today on child rearing.=+
Which ones are worth the time?=+
by=+
Wendell E. Miller=++

Q. We have been blessed of God with a lovely child. We want
to do everything that we possibly can to bring this little
one up to live a life that is pleasing to God. However, the
books that we are reading, even those written by Christian
authors, seem to have differing ideas on child rearing. How
can we know what is right?=++

A. It is easy to understand your confusion. Some books on
child rearing are directed to specific principles of child
rearing; some books emphasize one principle so strongly,
while neglecting other equally important principles, that
their truth is out of balance; and some books on child
rearing, even some written by Christians, are colored by
secular philosophies such as humanism or behaviorism.=++

The thing that will help you the most is to have a biblical
framework into which all principles of child rearing can be
placed.=++

Then, with a biblical framework for child-rearing
principles, you will be better equipped to determine whether
the teaching of a given book is biblical and so will fit
into the biblical framework. You will also be able to
determine where the teaching of that book fits into the
biblical framework, and also be able to decide whether or
not that book emphasizes one principle of child rearing so
strongly (while ignoring equally important truths) that
truth is being presented out of balance.=++

In addition to using this biblical framework of
child-rearing principles to understand and to evaluate books
on the subject, you can use this biblical framework to
evaluate your performance in rearing your children and to
make improvements in your parenting.=++

God has given a biblical framework for child rearing in a
single Scripture verse; and all biblical principles of child
rearing fit into this biblical framework. The verse is
Ephesians 6:4.=++

Ephesians 6:4 is divided into two commands; and the two
commands are separated by both a colon and the word "but" in
the King James Version. The command preceding the colon and
the word "but" tells parents what to avoid; and the command
following the colon and the word "but" tells parents what
they must do.=++

Fathers, because they have the final responsibility for the
family (not that mothers are excluded from child-rearing
responsibilities), are commanded to "bring them up in the
nurture and admonition of the Lord."=++

"Bring them up" is the basic, overall command to parents. It
is obvious that child rearing is a process, a process that
takes 20 years or so. Parents are responsible to do
everything that is included in the command to "bring them
up."=++

The basic command to "bring them up" is divided into two
subcommands. The first of these subcommands is translated
"nurture" in the King James Version, and the second is
translated "admonition."=++

The key to understanding God's plan for parenting is
included in the Greek word that is translated "nurture."
However, it appears that translators have had considerable
difficulty in being able to find an English word that
conveys the full meaning of the original language.=++

This apparent difficulty in translation can be seen by
noticing that the same Greek word of Ephesians 6:4 that is
translated "nurture" in the King James Version, is
translated "discipline," "instruction," "training" or
"chastening" in other versions.=++

The underlying concept of the Greek word that is translated
"nurture" is "structuring." Further, structuring of both
mind and actions is included in the underlying concept. The
fact that the meaning of the Greek word includes structuring
of both mind and actions can be seen in Acts 7:22 where a
verb form of the same root word is translated "learned."=++

Notice in Acts 7:22 that Moses was "learned" in all of the
wisdom of Egypt; and that he was "mighty in words and in
deeds." That is, his mind had been structured; and his
actions had been structured.=++

Some scholars believe that Moses was drawn out of the river
by a princess who had no heirs, and that Moses was brought
up to be the next pharaoh. If this is so, then it can be
assumed that Moses knew several languages, that he knew how
to conduct trade and treaty negotiations, that he knew how
to conduct wars, that he knew how to build pyramids, and
that he walked and talked like a pharaoh.=++

However, whether or not Moses was brought up to be the next
pharaoh, it is clear that both his mind and his actions were
structured; because the text says that he was "mighty in
words and in deeds."=++
So, the full concept that is included in the word "nurture"
in the King James Version is to structure the mind and the
actions of your children.=++

It is difficult to include this concept of structuring in an
English translation without the translation being awkward.
"Nurture" is preferable over "discipline," "instruction,"
"training" and "chastening"; because "nurture" can be
understood to include structuring of mind and actions. In
contrast, all of these other words exclude some part of
structuring both mind and actions.=++

Because of the difficulty in presenting the total meaning of
"nurture" in a single English word, a paraphrase can be
helpful. Then after studying the paraphrase given below, you
will think of the full concept of structuring whenever you
read of "nurture" in Ephesians 6:4.=++

"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but
bring them up, structuring their minds and actions with
child-rearing principles that are of the Lord, and
admonishing them with truth that is of the Lord."=++

As indicated in the preceding paraphrase, the words "of the
Lord" probably refer to the source for "nurture" and for
"admonition." That is, the Bible is the authoritative source
of principles that parents are to use for structuring the
minds and actions of their children; and the Scriptures are
the source of truth by which they are to admonish their
children.=++

The command to not provoke children to wrath can be
understood by noticing that Ephesians 6:4 is written on
opposite sides of the word "but." Typically, the word "but"
connects two parts of a sentence that, in some way, oppose,
or are in opposite directions, to each other.=++

Thus, the "provoking" that precedes the "but" is opposite to
the "nurture and admonition of the Lord" that follows the
"but." This means that the way to avoid provoking children
to wrath is to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition
of the Lord." When parents structure their children's lives
with biblical principles of child rearing and with
admonitions from God's truth, the children do not become
insecure, then resentful, and finally wrathful.=++

Some parents seem to think that "nurture and admonition" are
equivalent to spanking and yelling. Some parents yell a
while, and then spank when their patience is gone. Others
only yell; and the children seemingly learn to ignore even
the loudest screaming. Then there are strict disciplinarians
who spank for every kind of offense.=++
God has said that the parent who loves his children spanks
them at times (Prov. 13:24); so those who accept the
Scriptures as God's Word must accept spanking as being a
part of biblical "nurture and admonition."=++

However, biblical "nurture" includes more, much more, than
spanking. It includes every biblical principle for
structuring the child's mind and every biblical principle
for structuring his actions.=++

Now with regard to "admonition," as mentioned earlier,
biblical "admonition" consists of warning children from
God's Word. Biblical "admonition" informs children of the
consequences of disobeying God and of disobeying parents. It
tells them what will happen "if"--because God says so.=++

Remember that God has given parents a biblical framework for
understanding biblical principles of child rearing. Remember
that every biblical principle for structuring the child's
mind, every principle for structuring the children's
actions, and every biblical admonition fit into this
framework.=++

Now, as you read a given book on child rearing, make a list
of the child-rearing principles that are taught, listing
chapter, page, principle, and Bible reference, if any, under
categories of: 1. structuring of mind, 2. structuring of
actions, and 3. biblically admonishing.=++

Test each teaching of that book with your knowledge of the
sin nature of man. Does the teaching of that book deny the
sin nature? If so, reject it; the book is teaching
humanism.=++

If scripture references are included, read each reference
carefully to see if that supposedly biblical principle
actually is taught in the reference.=++

Then examine the list of principles that you believe to be
biblical. Do they include principles for structuring the
child's mind, do they include principles for structuring his
actions, do they include biblically admonishing him?=++

If not, you may need to supplement the teaching--of that
book with another that is more complete or better balanced
in its teaching, use a different book for your primary
source of child-rearing principles, and use the first book
as a secondary reference, or reject the first book
entirely.=++

As you test the child-rearing principles that are taught in
various books, and as you place the proved principles into
God's framework for biblical principles of child rearing,
you can know how to rear your children by biblical "nurture
and admonition."=++

Also, as you consider the principles that you use, and as
you place them into God's framework for child-rearing
principles, you can improve your parenting by including more
biblical principles.=++

Copyright 1985 by Wendell E. Miller=+
Downloaded from http://www.biblical.counsel.org=++

May be reprinted and distributed in quantities if distributed free or at cost, and if=+
copyright, download, and permission information is included.
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