`MY HUSBAND WON'T LET ME GIVE'=+
How far must a Christian wife go in submitting=+
to her unsaved husband?=+
by=+
Wendell E. Miller=++

Q. My unsaved husband will not allow me to tithe or to give
to Christian work. I believe that the Scriptures teach that
I should give to the Lord's work; and it is so much my
desire to give. What should I do?=++

A. From your question it can be assumed that you understand
the biblical command that a wife submit to the authority of
her husband (Eph. 5:22-24). Also, you state that you believe
that you should give to Christian work. So you face a
problem in which you cannot be obedient to both scriptural
teachings.=++

Further, it can be assumed that your desire to give is to
honor the Lord Jesus, and that your desire is to honor Him,
not only in your giving but also in your whole life.=++

Jesus said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (John
14:15). The Scriptures also teach, as you know, that wives
are to submit to their own husbands, as unto the Lord (Eph.
5:22). So obeying your unsaved husband with regard to
Christian giving is one way you have of loving Jesus.=++

On the other hand, no matter how much you want to give, and
no matter how strong your belief that you should give, you
cannot give without direct rebellion against the authority
of your husband and direct disobedience against the
Scriptural command to submit to your husband.=++

The Scriptures provide a principle that applies directly to
your desire to give to Christian work and your belief that
you should give. In Paul's writings we read, "If there be
first a willing mind, it is accepted according to that a man
hath, and not according to that he hath not" (11 Cor.
8:12).=++

It seems clear that your only biblical choice is to obey
your husband and to rest upon this biblical teaching that
God will honor your desire to give to the same extent as if
you were able to give.=++

Of course, there are some instances in which a Christian
wife should not submit to her husband. If her husband should
tell her to shoot the president of the United States, it is
clear that she must disobey him; and there are some
Christian women who have grievous situations to face with
regard to submission. However, biblical counselors hear of
relatively few instances where a Christian wife should
disobey her unsaved husband, and especially so where the
wife has been submissive both in actions and attitudes.=++

If a Christian wife rebels against her husband's authority,
she is setting up a battle line over his authority; and she
should expect him to try his authority with other decisions
that may be more difficult to obey. Usually, it is best for
the Christian wife to obey her unsaved husband; and, if
appropriate, plead with God that her husband will reverse
his stand.=++

A Christian wife's submission to her husband is a matter
both of obedience to God and trust in God. It is God that
has told her to submit to her husband; and, in submitting,
she is trusting a sovereign and purposeful God to work for
her good, even through trials.=++

We know that God is sovereign over the affairs of mankind.
The Scriptures teach that God can change the king's mind, or
an unsaved husband's mind, like rivers turn back and forth
(Prov. 21:1). So an unsaved husband cannot make any decision
or say any unkind words without the permissive will of
God.=++

Together with God's sovereignty, Christian wives need to
remember that a purposeful God has allowed their husbands to
make a particular decision for their good (Rom. 8:28). In
some way, He wants to conform the Christian wife to the
image of Christ through this difficulty with an unsaved
husband (Rom. 8:29). God wants her to act and react in such
a manner that He will get the glory (Matt. 5:16), and that
someday He will be able to say, "Well done, thou good and
faithful servant" (25:21).=++

In addition to God's purpose in a Christian wife's life,
perhaps a sovereign and purposeful God has purposed to save
her husband through the behavior of a godly wife. At least,
we know that He has commanded Christian wives to be silent
witnesses to Him through their submissive spirits. We read
in 1 Peter 3:1, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive
to your own husbands so that even if any of them are
disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by
the behavior of their wives" (NASB).=++

Perhaps God is allowing your husband to tell you something
about your marriage relationship. Perhaps your husband has
been trying to tell you about problems in specific areas.
Have there been problems in your marriage that have left
your husband with deep resentments against you or against
your church?=++

God knows that there will be serious difficulties in
marriages in which one is saved and one is not; and that is
why He has established the principle that believers marry
only believers (2 Cor. 6:14). We should expect major
problems between two persons, one with an old nature, and
the other with both the old nature and the new nature. It is
inherent that they will be pulling in different directions,
that they will have different goals, and that they will have
different priorities.=++

But a Christian wife, in many respects, should be a better
wife to an unsaved husband than an unsaved wife. She has the
new nature, she has the indwelling Holy Spirit, she should
be more submissive than a non-Christian wife, she should be
less selfish than a non-Christian wife.=++

When Christian wives have the fruit of the Spirit: love,
joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control (Gal. 5:22,23), generally
speaking, unsaved husbands are quite pleased with their
wives, and they do not make decisions that cannot be obeyed
by their Christian wives.=++

However, whenever an unsaved husband indicates that he is
displeased with his wife's church or other Christian
activities, the wife should examine herself to see how she
is performing as a wife.=++

First, has she recently become saved? Has she become so
caught up in enthusiasm for her new faith and her church
that her unsaved husband would feel that he has lost a
wife?=++

If she has been a Christian for a number of years, has she
taken on so many church activities that he is left alone
when he would rather she be with him? Or has she taken on
positions of leadership in the church that threaten him as
the leader in the home, or in the community, or that would
threaten him if he were to go to church with her?=++

New Christian or old, has she made prayer requests about
him, or embarrassed him in some other way so that he has
built up resentment against her, her friends, and/ or her
church? Or has she spoken well of him?=++

What position does her husband have in the home? Does she
direct the children to her husband as the authority in the
home; or would the children be shocked if she said, "Go ask
your father"'?=++

What place does he have in his wife's life? Are the children
being put ahead of him? The marriage relationship is to be
permanent; and the parent-child relationship is to be
temporary; so the spouse, whether saved or unsaved, is to
take precedence over the children.=++

Perhaps your husband will tell you the things that he holds
against you; or perhaps he has told you many times. Consider
his accusations carefully. If there is any truth at all to
them, ask your husband to forgive you. Then, start being the
wife that you should be.=++

Perhaps you will decide that you are as good a wife to him
as any Christian woman could be to an unsaved husband. If
so, we know that a purposeful God has allowed your husband
to make his decision; and God would not have allowed your
husband to make that decision if He were not able to use it
for good in your life.=++

Sometimes Christian wives think that a biblical counselor is
not being fair when he tells the wives how they must relate
to their unsaved husbands. But it is God who has told wives
to submit, it is God who gives sustaining grace, it is God
who is conforming them to the image of His Son, it is God
who can, and does, transform unsaved husbands into saved
husbands, and it is God who will say to many, many wives of
unsaved husbands, "Well done, thou good and faithful
servant" (Matt. 25:21).=++

Your primary tasks are to love God, to show your love for
God by being a good and submissive wife, and to trust the
sovereignty of God to work good in your life as you obey
Him.=++

The money involved in your Christian giving is of small
consequence in relation to what God wants to do in your
life, what he may do in your husband's life, and what He may
do in your children's lives as they see you modeling a
Christian wife who is faithful to the Lord and submissive to
an unsaved husband.=++

And if as a result of your sweet attitude in submitting to
your husband, he reverses his original decision that you are
not to give to your church; then you can obey both the
command to submit to your husband and the command to give to
your church. It happens. We pray that it will in your
life!=++

Copyright 1985 by Wendell E. Miller=+
Downloaded from http://www.biblical.counsel.org=++

May be reprinted and distributed in quantities if distributed free or at cost, and if=+
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